Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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