Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
COCAINE IS GR8
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize