i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
