For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize