U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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