He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
