So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
