what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
