I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
