her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
