it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize