i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
