Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
