Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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