i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
