are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize