is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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