whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize