O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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