lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
