In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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