His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize