I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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