i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize