I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
