I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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