the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
