I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize