I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
