is your mom at the bar?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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