I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
