Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
