I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize