Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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