Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
