being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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