Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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