Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
