How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
MIDGETS
????
how drunk are you?
Several
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
