i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
