Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
