I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i out mim tonsoeep
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