Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My vagina just recognized that song.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
