My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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