roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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