It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
