i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
