i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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