i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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