And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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