you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
