everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
