Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
