Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
