Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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