So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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