It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
