I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
