I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am available for nakedness
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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