I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
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