clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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