he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
NoShamevember. You game?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i believe in u and ur pee
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
