Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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