i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
His nipple licking is glorious
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