An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
