Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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