oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
