I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
