he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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