yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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