We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
