I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
