Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just come out here and I will go home with you...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize