I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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