idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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