I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
