My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
