Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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