It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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