I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
