I think my vagina is haunted
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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