I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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