Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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