You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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