i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
