Your mouth is God's brothel.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
