Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
